By Michael Nickerson
I can be a bit slow in the uptake department; sometimes downright glacial. Take cricket. To this day it befuddles me how a game enjoyed, played and understood by millions actually works. There’s a stick, a ball, a field littered with players wearing gloves, and something called a wicket. I’m pretty sure you want to hit the ball, and then I think you run back and forth a lot to this wicket thing, and somehow it all ends up with a score card that reads like an advanced math equation. To top it off, you don’t compete for a gold cup, or a medal, but some really old ashes. Not sure whose ashes exactly, or how this burnt offering was procured in the first place, but millions of people around the world are very excited about them. Absolutely baffling.
Speaking of baffling, why is your humble scribe going on about cricket in a military magazine? Excellent question! Well, cricket is not the only thing that has me confused. Take submarines. I’m pretty clear on the basics, namely that they’re sort of big boats that can sink and then come up again without everyone on board drowning. And I think I have my mind wrapped around their astonishingly large price tag with more zeros than Tim Horton’s has donuts. But what I’m not clear on is why Canada needs twelve of them.
So far the answer seems to be “because we do.” Push a little more and we hear it’s because it will make us a better ally, allow us to patrol our northern waters, and help fill out that big hole in our promised budget ledger. But can’t we patrol the arctic with drones more cheaply? “But you can’t defend with drones” is the reply, ignoring the dastardly things Ukraine has been up to with drones, including submersible ones. All indications are that we could have that tech swimming around Baffin Island years ahead of even the first submarine being delivered. So again, why? As I say, some things are beyond me.
Admittedly our whole arctic obsession leaves me a tad perplexed. As I understand it, we are in jeopardy of having our north overrun by the Chinese and Russians any day now and must spend tens of billions defending it. It seems to me the thousands of square miles of tundra and muskeg would do the trick nicely. Invaders would either get bored crossing the tundra, or bogged down in the muskeg. Now I know people can get tetchy about people crossing their lawns and such, but I don’t see anyone buying a submarine to scare them off. Bit of overkill if you ask me.
Speaking of buying, there’s something else I wouldn’t mind being explained. You see, this whole submarine thing is apparently going to cost upwards of $100 billion. And we’re also buying armoured vehicles, missile systems, refueling air-craft, early-warning aircraft, stealth fighter jets, potentially other fighter jets, ammunition, housing, and 100,000 reservists that’ll need 200,000 boots before they can be put on the ground! It takes your breath away just listing it.
Apparently this will all be explained in the coming fall budget. Well alleluia! Because I don’t mind saying the whole thing has me a tad mystified. For one thing, reports are that we’re going to be footing the bill for all that swanky new kit without raising taxes. Being the thickie that I am, I find that rather puzzling. Now this is going to be a long walk, so stick with me... if I’ve got things right, all this investment will make Canada “stronger” and “safer,” along with our allies and the world at large. Now Canada (and just about everyone else) is in the midst of an affordability crisis, a health crisis, and facing ever-growing income disparity, which some call (you guessed it) a crisis.
Right, now this is where it gets tricky: who benefits the most from all that military spending? Correct me if I’m wrong but wouldn’t that be the wealthier members of our society with all that safe stability keeping their stock portfolios nice and healthy? So perhaps having them pay some additional tax seems a tad more equitable than slashing everyone else’s pensions and health care in the coming decades.
As I said, I’m pretty slow. No doubt this will all be made clear as crystal in this fall’s federal budget. A good thing too, because I don’t know about you but I’ll sleep a lot better knowing I skipped a hip replacement for a good cause.
